It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. I said “F-you” to a coworker
I’m looking for advice even though I know it might be hard for me to hear. I messed up at work. For some context, I am not a supervisor but I am a lead/the same level as a supervisor, just with no direct reports.
I’m not doing well with our seasonal employees this summer. They mess up their schedules, say wild things, constantly need help with simple things but don’t seem to listen or learn. I fully realize I take their behavior personally. It came to a breaking point the other day and one of them made me upset and I snapped. I said very slowly but very angrily, “Fuck you.” I said it in front of their boss. It slipped out but also kind of felt like I wasn’t there, if that makes sense. I’ve never done anything like that before. I was super embarrassed and apologized right away and said, “I’m sorry. I don’t know where that came from. I know I shouldn’t have said that. It won’t happen again.” Then later I pulled the person aside and just reiterated all of that again. The person responded by what felt like lecturing, saying that no one should talk to each other like that at work (true) and that they would never do that.
I did make a therapy appointment. I’m not sure how to go forward really. That peer of mine who is the seasonals’ boss gave me three days off after that so I have a little time.
Take it as a wake-up call! You’re frustrated enough that it’s making you behave in a way you don’t want to behave, and so it’s time for something to change. Maybe that means you need to talk to whoever manages the seasonal employees about your frustrations and ask them to intervene. Maybe it means you or someone else needs to have a candid conversation with the seasonals about what’s expected in their jobs and what they need to do differently. Maybe it means you need to deal with other stresses in your life or in other parts of your job that are making you less equipped to handle these frustrations. Maybe it’s a sign that your job is asking something unsustainable from you, and the seasonals’ behavior is the final straw.
I don’t know what the answer is without knowing more specifics, but if you treat it like a flashing neon sign that something needs to change, it’s likely to push you in the right direction.
2. Should I take a job at a company with terrible reviews?
I am in the final interview stages for a position at a large national organization. This organization has both a national office and many regional offices, with employees split between. From my understanding, the teams don’t cross over very much, and their experiences with the organization and leadership are very different. I am really excited about the role I am interviewing for, which is on the national team, fully remote, a minimum 30% increase in salary, focuses on the part of my industry I like best, and is more senior than my current role. The interview process was fairly straightforward, and while I didn’t have an immediate connection with my interviewers, I could see getting along with them easily once I got to know them better.
HOWEVER. Once I started looking at the Glassdoor reviews, I started seeing a lot of red flags in the reviews posted over the past two years or so. Many of the complaints are standard ones in my industry, so I could discount those. Others were from members of the regional teams, so I could take those with a grain of salt. But other reviews about national leadership toxicity, multiple rounds of layoffs, loss of benefits, etc. are harder to rationalize. I was able to connect with a local regional office employee to ask about his experience and he shared that he was resigning and would never work for this organization again. But again, his role and team are very different from what mine would be!
I expect to hear the final decision about my interview in the coming days, and my stomach is in knots. On one hand, this position would be life-changing in terms of salary, seniority, and professional experience (specialized positions of this type aren’t exactly common in my industry, and are rarely remote). On the other hand, I love my current organization and its welcoming, diverse culture and wonderful team. I just don’t always love the day-to-day specifics of my role, lack of advancement opportunities, or my compensation. If I get offered this role, should I accept it, knowing that I might be diving head first into a toxic cesspool? Or should I stay in my current role and keep looking?
Given that multiple reviews are saying the same thing and that the person you talked to echoed those reports, I’d assume that what you’re reading is accurate — and it’s not that you might be diving into a toxic cesspool but will be. If that’s the case, do the advantages you listed make it worthwhile anyway? For some people it might — people prioritize things differently, and some people don’t care much about a bad work culture. Others would be miserable. So you have to know yourself for this one: if you assume everything you’ve heard is accurate, do you still want the job?
If you’re not sure, I’d say run, unless the salary increase is a life-changing amount of money that trumps everything else. There are other jobs out there; the choice is not between taking this one or being stuck in your current job forever.
Also, if you’re offered the job you can ask the hiring manager about what you’ve read! It’s fine to say, “I read some concerns on Glassdoor about XYZ and wonder if you can give me your perspective on that.” You obviously need to take their answer with a grain of salt, but you might hear something that makes you more confident about what you want to do.
3. People keep scheduling meetings over my preferred lunch time
I’m trying to decide if I’m being unreasonable about lunch breaks. I’ve worked for a (formerly) very small company for the past five years (two owners who are salesmen, me, sales support, and a controller). I work remotely, which I love, and generally enjoy my job. A year ago, my bosses made the decision to expand, which is great. They’ve brought on “Billy,” who I worked with years ago and get along with, who is adding much-needed formality, process, and structure to the company. They have also hired an HR person and systems person. With added formality and personnel come more meetings and calls, which I hate but accept as a necessary part of work.
Billy established twice-weekly 1 pm meetings with me and sales support. These meetings felt redundant, but it’s part of the job. However, I am a late lunch-taker, as is my sales support. Our working hours are 9-5, so I tend to be busier in the morning and like to take lunch around 1:30 or even 1:45. When our 1 pm meetings were running over the allotted half hour, I mentioned to Billy that I tend to take a late lunch and asked to schedule the meetings 15 minutes earlier. He then rescheduled one of our weekly meetings to 1:30, which I declined and again asked him to reschedule. Last week, HR scheduled a 1 pm, one-hour meeting to go over a team spreadsheet. By 2:25, I asked if we could please wrap up soon since I needed to run an errand before my child got home from school (luckily I ate at my desk before the call started). By 2:35, I had to hang up while the call was still going. This morning, I got a meeting invite for 1 pm from our systems guy, allotted for one hour.
I’m growing increasingly resentful over this small issue which doesn’t feel small to me. As one of only two women working in the company, I don’t want to be seen as difficult and make a big deal out of when I eat lunch. But I need both a physical and mental break from work during the day and having to push an anticipated break later because of meetings frustrates me. On a personal level, I’m very schedule-oriented and it’s hard for me to adjust when plans change, but this is work and I need to get along with others and be professional. Are meeting times just something that’s expected to be accommodated or is there a way to politely but firmly push back? I don’t want to have to schedule “appointments” to block out my calendar every day at 1:30 but it’s becoming a pattern for colleagues to schedule 1 pm meetings with a specified duration which is then disregarded, and then it’s hard for me to stay focused mentally or even care about the work at that point because I’m fried, tired, hungry, and need the break.
Block the time off on your calendar. If you’re in an office of people who eat earlier than you do, it’s not unreasonable that they keep trying to schedule meetings at 1:30 and aren’t thinking of meetings that run long as cutting into lunch. But your schedule is different than theirs, and the easiest way to handle that is to just block off the time on your calendar so people stop trying to schedule over it.
It’s actually a courtesy to them to do that; then they don’t need to remember each person’s individual lunch preference or risk stirring up resentment in you when they forget, and they can just go based on what’s on your calendar.
4. Client keeps trying to pay less than what was agreed
I’m a freelancer who used to be on staff at a company I now contract for. Since I left, they’ve repeatedly tried to pay me less than the rate we agreed in writing, trying to quietly shave the invoice after I’ve delivered, or giving reasons as to why they shouldn’t pay what they initially agreed to that make no sense.
For example, after I agreed in writing to an assignment for $2,000, the contract didn’t arrive until after I delivered the assignment and was for $500 less than what we’d agreed. They said they’d changed the design and layout on their end, so they’d pay me their “typical rate” for the revised format instead of the agreed fee. At no point had they communicated this change or asked if I was okay with it. I pushed back, and they eventually agreed to pay the original amount.
That same contract attempted to claim all rights to my work for all future assignments, meaning they could own and use my work however they saw fit, without even crediting me. I’ve pushed back and asked for amendments, but I’m worried they’ll withhold payment if I don’t sign it, even though I’ve delivered the work and submitted my invoice.
Shortly after this, with different people at the same company, I submitted an invoice for services rendered in January under a separate contract. They claimed that because some of the work occurred outside the contract period, they would only pay a “standard market rate” which is thousands less than the rate specified in my contract. Nothing in the contract prohibits work outside that period, it just says I could bill up to 80 hours for January. They also claimed my hours “didn’t add up,” which makes no sense.
The person who took over my old role manages these emails and is consistently rude and accusatory about it. The work is otherwise steady but I feel like they’re beginning to look at me as a problem freelancer because I don’t accept their trying to cut costs. I don’t want to blow up a relationship I spent years building (which it feels like I’m starting to do with each argument to pay me what was agreed), but I’m tired of having to fight for money I already earned, every single time.
At this point it feels like a toxic relationship. Every time I send an invoice, I brace for how they’ll try to weasel out of paying it. It’s ruining my days, denting my self-esteem, and wreaking havoc on my anxiety. I know their board is scrutinizing spending, but there seems to be no goodwill toward me as a former employee who worked hard for them. Frankly, I’d like to fire them as a client, but I want to get paid first. How do I hold the line on agreed contracts without getting branded the difficult freelancer they stop hiring? Or how do I get paid what I owe and gracefully bow out of my other agreed deliverables?
Particularly since it sounds like you’d be perfectly willing to walk away from the work, it’s okay if they find you difficult and stop hiring you. (And to be clear, expecting to have the terms of written agreements honored is not being difficult; it’s being normal.)
Say this: “A few times recently, questions have come up about payment terms we had already agreed on. I do need to know that we’ll both abide by those terms. If the company is having second thoughts about the terms we’ve negotiated, I’d prefer to stop the work here and amicably part ways. Do you want to take a look at the payment terms for my remaining deliverables (listed below) and affirm that they still work on your end before I move forward with these?”
5. Can my parent recommend me for a job?
I’m a mid-career professional in the same broad field as one of my parents, who is very well regarded. We never worked at the same organization, or even same sub-field, but it’s a small world and there are semi-frequent random connections. I do not share my last name with my parent, so it’s not obvious we’re related. At work with people I know, I don’t go out of my way to mention my parent but it’s not a secret either.
My question is how to handle this while job searching. Is it appropriate for my parent to reach out with a very brief email on my behalf if they know the hiring manager? It seems a little strange because they can’t speak to working with me in a professional context, but the types of jobs I am applying to are getting hundreds of applications (compared no more than a few dozen in years prior), so having a referral is incredibly helpful. If they were a coworker or even a friend, I would feel comfortable asking for a referral, but somehow with a parent it feels different. It’s probably okay? Or maybe it’s weird?
For what it’s worth, I am a very strong performer, solid work history, great references, etc.
People do this all the time for relatives if they know the hiring manager. It’s fine. It won’t be seen as weird (as long as your parent doesn’t try to pressure them to hire you). The tone should be something like, “Wanted to let you know my daughter Valentina applied for your X role — she’s got a background in X and Y. I’m sure you’ll have lots of strong candidates, but I wanted to put her on your radar.”
(There is certainly a debate to be had about whether this should be part of hiring, but the reality is that it is.)