Here are three updates from past letter-writers.
1. I’m training my replacement and he won’t stop hovering (#5 at the link)
I know this was a long time ago (2018), but I thought I would send an update. One thing I didn’t mention originally since I didn’t want to risk being identified was that we were both postdocs in a biomedical laboratory. Our PI was a great person but a terrible boss. She knew science but she did not know how to manage people or a lab. She decided that I was not productive enough to renew my contract but then wouldn’t approve my transfer to another lab unless I finished my projects and trained the new postdoc who would replace me. Since the new lab was at the same institution, she did have the ability to block me from going there. She even told me that I wasn’t cut out for research and should apply to lecturer positions instead. It was a toxic environment and I was putting in 12-hour days (including some weekends) to try to get everything done. My mental and physical health were terrible.
One big problem in the lab was inadequate training. She hired people (including me) with no background in the core technique the lab used and just expected us to figure it out. The new postdoc was floundering and wanted me to be his lifeline but I couldn’t because I was drowning as well. Knowing what I do now, I should have called her bluff and told her that I could either train or complete the project but could not do both. I doubt she would have followed through on blocking my transfer and my new PI would have fought for me if necessary, but I did not know that at the time.
I did address the most immediate issue. The reason I was so on edge about the new postdoc was that he would stand so close that he often touched me in order to better see what I was doing. As in, his stomach was against my head. I was extremely direct and told him that he was too close and could cause me to make a mistake and to please go back to his desk and I would find him when I was done. It didn’t entirely fix the problem since I had to repeat it pretty much every day, but he would leave. Looking back, I wish I had been more forceful about boundaries but I was so worn down mentally that I did not have it in me.
The new lab was amazing. I was productive, got some grants and decent publications, and I am now running my own lab and loving it. I was worried that my old boss was right and I wasn’t cut out for science but she wasn’t. It was just a terrible training environment. Almost every postdoc left after a year (including the one I wrote in about) and those that stayed quit science altogether.
2. My class aide is late every day — and so is her kid (#2 at the link)
I have been marking the student tardy since the letter was published. At first there was some improvement, but that faded quickly. We are just finishing the school year, and the student has been tardy almost half the school days since I started recording them.. My aide swore she was going to start making her youngest accountable, but that hasn’t seemed to happen.
One thing that I did not mention in my original letter is that her eldest is neurodivergent, and arriving late makes him very uncomfortable. The irony that a special education aide cannot see the distress she is allowing her neurotypical child to inflict on their sibling is not lost on me. At least I know I’ve met my responsibilities here.
3. How do I get my client to accept that I’m not working for him anymore? (#4 at the link)
I ended up not doing any work for him until he reached out a few months later after he fired the company he replaced me with. I ended up working for less money than I previously was, doing pretty much the same thing. I can see the shaking heads in the comments, but I felt pressured to have at least a second income coming in alongside the internship I had managed to win as well. I still have debt I’m paying off from my business closing, and I went back to school full-time without financial aid/scholarships.
I did not get the job that I interviewed for that closed at the end of the year. I actually interviewed with them again five months later. They said they would take me for a certain position and I agreed, but the day I started, they bait and switched my position to something else with random hours which didn’t work with the schedule we agreed to originally. That one stung, because the job was within my experience and degree, at a school I got my degree from, but they chose to go with someone without a degree. So, it did feel like my degree was a waste of time. But oh well, now I learned my lesson.
I had started another internship doing research which is very exciting. My freelance client again told me that he was firing me to keep me on retainer, which I definitely should have seen coming. Now I’ve grown a spine, even though I do have bills and debt still to pay, and will be telling him this time when I meet with him on Monday that I will not be staying on retainer for him, because again, like last time, the retainer fee is ambiguous. He replaced me with someone who, while they make great video content, didn’t even know how to delete a Facebook post and is regularly late to meetings . Lesson learned here is that when a field has a very very low bar to entry, that means you can be replaced super easily.